Read on to learn how best to support your child through their emotional needs and transform a tricky situation into a positive one. “I’m not staying here! I can’t believe there’s NOOOO internet. How am I going to listen to music or speak to my friends?! This is stupid!” My 12-year-old daughter stormed off to the car. We’d just arrived at the campsite after a long drive and this was NOT what I was in the mood to deal with.
Is your child not listening and talking back? If you’re in the middle of a power struggle and every day is stressful, read this! My life used to be one massive power struggle, yup! When our daughter hit the toddler years, she never listened to a single word I said. Every day was a battle of wills. Aghhh! I knew things needed to change pretty quickly before I lost the will to live. Using the steps I share with you below, I was able to turn things around, my daughter started to WANT to listen to me, her defiant behaviour melted away and calm returned.
Parenting a stubborn, strong-willed child is challenging to say the least. I should know! My daughter would just refuse point blank to do as I asked. She’d scream and shout, and jump up and down and put up a fight. She wanted things her way. Every day was a battle of wills. It was utterly exhausting, and however firm I held my limits nothing would make a blind bit of difference, she would constantly pushed my boundaries. That was until I learnt to see what was really going on. And how to best support my daughter.
Question: "I need help to stop shouting and screaming at my kids, I feel like a bad mum, I know it's not right and it isn't the way I want to talk to talk to them, but I feel stressed and when they don't listen to me, no matter how hard I try to breathe I find myself yelling. Why am I always shouting? I then feel guilty. I need help as take 3 deep breaths isn't working for me as a tip. Any advice?"
"My daughter is 6. and we get bouts of angry spiteful and violent behaviour at home more than at school. Recently she's been saying we don't love her, and she wants to run away, she thinks we love her brother more, he is only 2. How can I reassure her once she's calmed down? It’s so hard to strengthen our bond which is sadly strained sometimes due to her challenging behaviour." Mrs. H.
I look back to when I was struggling with my daughter's out of control behaviour and wish someone had shown me this way of parenting. It would have saved years of frustration and wasted time. I am now the only UK Language of Listening® coach. No mean feat. That alone is two years of in-depth training and coaching. Having supported hundreds of parents, they tell me it’s the simplest, doable and most effective way to gain willing cooperation and still hold firm with their boundaries. You too can find the same success, happiness and sense of calm that I have found, not to mention WILLING cooperation and kids who WANT to listen to you.
Whatever your experience over that last 18 months, it’s likely all our children will need support to ease back into the school routine. I’m sure most parents are uncontrollably excited about the beginning of the new school year, but if you have a more anxious child, I bet like many parents, you may also have that dreaded thought of “How in the hell am I going to get my kid to school without a battle or meltdown?!”
If you’re struggling to manage your child’s behaviour, I bet you’ve tried it all--the constant nagging, shouting, threatening to take toys away, and yet nothing seems to work. Deep down you’re worried you’re going to damage your long-term relationship with your child. I know I was. I would lie in bed at night, the guilt of shouting at my kids washing over me, dreading yet another day of dealing with the tantrums and my kids answering back. I felt like I’d hit a brick wall and was about to throw the towel in. I couldn’t take any more.
Do you feel like you’re forever losing your cool? You’re stuck in a negative cycle of shouting and dragging your child to the naughty step and yet your child doesn’t change his behaviour? or maybe it 'works' in the moment, but the unwanted behaviour soon returns. Maybe you feel like giving up, as whatever you do, you still can’t get through to him. Maybe you’re fed up feeling like they don’t respect you or take you seriously or you have that nagging feeling that timeouts aren't really working.
How to avoid arguments and power struggles with your child. “My child is forever saying NO! to my every request. Help! How do I get my child to say yes, especially when she argues about everything? It’s wearing me down.” It’s a common question I hear from many parents the world over. You know the drill, it’s bath time. Your child knows it’s bath time. And yet the first thing out of her mouth is a NO! You want the T.V off for dinner, you want to sit at the table and have family time and your child says NO! You’re trying to get out the house on time, shoes on and bags packed, and your child says NO!