Oh My! This kind of behaviour is enough to make you go crazy. Don’t you sometimes wish you had a padded room you could just throw your kids in and let them sort it out? Like so many parents, I bet you’re left wondering how on earth do I get the fighting to stop? I can’t stand it anymore. How do I stop the fighting for good? Without shouting, threatening and punishments.
I was waiting in line for the checkout at the supermarket and my strong-willed toddler was having a fit over not getting chocolate buttons… Full-on meltdown. She threw herself to the floor and cried like she’d been attacked by a swarm for bees. I could feel all eyes on me. Waiting to see what I would do next. How was I going to get to the car without losing my cool and without causing a scene?
As I was getting out of my car for Trick or treating, I was wearing a mask and a little girl, about 4 or 5 years old screamed out in pure terror. ‘What’s up?” I asked the mum “Why the screaming?” “Oh! She hasn’t been cleaning her room, so I’ve been threatening her with a visit from Momo.” And I have to wonder if she is cleaning her room because she’s so frightened or if it’s still a daily battle? And once Halloween has passed, is this mum now using Santa as the threat?
One tip to change everything and bring joy back to shopping. “We are not buying anything else.” Sophie reminded her children. “We are only popping into one shop and we’re only getting a present for Daddy.” And just like clockwork, both kids were wanting. “Look at this Mummeeeee. I neeed thissss!!!” Sophie was frustrated. How many times had she told her children they couldn’t always have what they wanted? “How many times do I have to tell you?! We’re not getting anything else; you’re sounding spoilt and ungrateful.” But it always fell on deaf ears. Nothing changed.
You are not responsible for other people’s emotions and they are not responsible for yours. One of the greatest illusions is that you cause other people’s emotions and they cause yours. Think about it. Isn’t this what most of us have been led to believe? It’s modelled through daily interactions and how people typically relate to others. How often have you heard people say: “You’re making mummy sad?” “You’re making me really mad right now!” Because we’ve been told that others are the cause of our reactions and emotions. The craziness of this outlook is that truly we are the ONLY people responsible for our own emotions and reactions. AND we are not responsible for the emotions of others, including our children! It doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible parents, that we should make our child’s life difficult or that we don’t care for their emotional well-being. It means we are not responsible for their emotions and reactions.
Last week I was running a few errands with my daughter and we popped into the local garden centre, and amid the ghosts and skeletons and Halloween candy was a full-on winter wonderland… fake snow, baubles and tinsel. Now, I love Christmas, I look forward to spending the holidays with my siblings and their families. The bigger the better. (I’m one of 5) But if you ask me, having decorations out and Christmas music on in November is just plain wrong.
“Just be good!” my husband told our 5-year-old girl as she was messing around in the bathroom, singing, jumping, being silly…. Anything to NOT get in the bath. And not an uncommon thing for a parent to say. Easily said and quickly forgotten.
What every parent needs to know when their child is acting up. Her cheeks red, kicking out at anyone who dared come close. “You can’t make me…” she howled. And she was right! This was my life and my daughter’s defiance, rudeness and disrespect were pushing my buttons. No. End.
A little boy of 2 and a girl of 4 with mum and dad were sitting having lunch in a cafe. After a short while, the little boy wanted up out of his seat. He was busy walking around the empty table next to his family.
Question: Hi Camilla, I wonder if you can advise me on how to deal with my bickering sons, aged 6 and 9. The summer holidays means that they are spending more time than ever together. Although they are often best friends, they have such different characters that clash. Their bickering makes me feel ill and I need to survive 6 more weeks with them at home without resorting to screens all the time to give me some peace. Michelle, parent of 2.
Guest blog by Michelle Mapstone from Word Academy. An epic English tutor, who really brings out the best in your child and supports them every step of the way to exam success. And she shares my passion for reading.
Question: What can I do to stop my toddler running off? It’s completely stressing me out. She’s nearly 3. I don’t mind her walking as long as she holds my hand crossing the road, but she is refusing and tries to run away. I have giving her options of sitting in the buggy or walking and I’ve told her the dangers of traffic. Leaving the house is so stressful as I don’t feel confident, she won’t run away. She’s too heavy to carry and I’m worn out. Help!