Keeping Your Cool

Parenting

logos

Time to build a mutually rewarding relationship with your child and be the parent you want to be

Blog

    My husband used to joke that the background noise of our life was my daughter’s whining. Hands down, the truth. The toddler years for me were no easy feat. Yes, genuinely.., And I knew deep down there had to be another way. With all my years in teaching and my degree in primary education, Nothing prepared me for my toddler’s antics.

One of life’s luxuries!  A trip to the supermarket kid free... I was strolling slowly down the aisle taking my time for once, without having to stop or fend off “Can I HAAAAVVEEEEE…” or wrestle down the sweet aisle.. (Know what I mean?!) A mum and her two boys were hurrying past me, probably a mad dash to the supermarket before an afterschool club, she was grabbing items off the shelves and her boys were giggling while helping put the items into the trolley.

And I smiled to myself. What lovely boys I thought. What a lucky mum.

A good few years ago now, I remember being in this constant state of parenting overwhelm, struggling to make it through the day without my daughter having a mega tantrum, losing my cool or having endless power struggles. I love my kids but I wasn’t enjoying the journey. I felt stuck. Things only began to change when I woke up off parenting autopilot and become aware of the tools in my parenting toolkit.

It is ONLY through awareness that we start to make the necessary changes. We can’t change what we don’t know! It’s almost like we have been blinkered before, it doesn’t register, we don’t question ourselves.

 I am going to share with you WHY typical consequences don't work and 5 ways that do work that build lasting change without power struggles and stress.  Have you ever sat around with friends dreaming up consequences that fit your kid’s misbehaviour? I know I have in the past when I'd had enough of my kid's behaviour and just didn't know what else to do. We mean well as parents, we want the best for our kids and we want to stop the chaos and regain some calm...  

Ever wondered why utter chaos can unfold in the blink of an eye?  Our communication has a HUGE role to play. 

We have the best intentions to remain calm and then a situation arises and we take a curveball. One minute all is calm and the next its utter chaos…. Know that feeling?

Imagine having kids that WANT to listen to you and do as you ask! How much easier would our parenting journey would be?!  The way we were parented is engrained into our psyche. Parenting decisions handed down from the generation before.  From the way, we handle tantrums, back talk or not listening. I spent years following the advice of generations before, “Be stronger, show her who’s boss, take things away, cancel playdates....” But I had this little niggling feeling.  I didn’t want this for my family. That parenting doesn’t have to be this way. It can be hard to find a new way and follow a new path.

My top 5 reasons why emotionally intelligent discipline is something we need to be focusing on.  I was trying to cajole my daughter to leave a play date and she was having none of it!  Running off, hiding with her friend, shouting that she wanted to stay longer….. My patience was waining… And you know what? A few years ago I would have reacted VERY differently to how I react now. I know first-hand, how difficult this can be. Our parenting blue print is to focus on short-term compliance.

It's 5 minutes before we have to leave for school. The kids don’t have their shoes on, the sun-cream is not applied, and my daughter’s hair looks a mess. AGHHHHH. I give a 5-minute warning. And NO response from my daughter. At least my son is busy putting his shoes on. I find my daughter trying to watch a YouTube video, even though we have a NO-SCREEN-BEFORE-SCHOOL-RULE. “It’s just been released mummy AND I NEEEEEEEEEEED TO SEE IT NOW, I won't be long, You HAVE TO WAIT”

Ever wondered why a trip to a café or out for ice-cream can end in chaos?

Mum and her 4-year-old son are out for a treat to get ice-cream. It should have been a fun time together, her son was SO excited. 15 minutes into the outing, it had all ended in tears. Want to know what went wrong?

1 2 3