How to Stop Tantrums at 5 Years Old. The Secret No One Tells You
I remember it well.
My daughter was five, and tantrums ruled our lives. It didn’t matter where we were—at the supermarket, the park, or even at home. She’d explode over everything.
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If the toast wasn’t cut the way she liked it—meltdown.
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If we had to leave a playdate—meltdown.
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If her sock felt a little bunched up—you guessed it—meltdown.
It was relentless.
And as much as I wanted to stay calm, I felt like I was drowning in frustration. I was doing everything I could think of— reasoning, distraction, time-outs, rewards, even pleading with her to “just stop.”
Yet, nothing worked. The tantrums came like clockwork, and nothing I did could stop them.
Worst of all, I could see how she felt. She didn’t want to lose control. Be the child throwing herself on the floor, causing a scene. She was overwhelmed by her own emotions, and I was overwhelmed by how hard it all felt.
I felt like I was failing. And I bet you’re feeling like that too. If you’re reading this right now, you’re probably wondering if things will ever get better.
You’re likely exhausted from the endless tantrums, frustrated with yourself for not knowing what to do, and maybe even feeling judged by others who don’t understand.
How to Stop Tantrums at 5 Years Old
But here’s the truth: things can get better.
It wasn’t until I shifted my approach—when I stopped trying to force my child to calm down and instead focused on showing her that she could—that everything changed.
Keep reading! I’m going to show you what I mean.
My daughter, now nearly 16, is a completely different child. She’s emotionally aware, self-confident, and proud of her ability to handle difficult emotions. And our relationship? It’s everything I could have dreamed of.
If you’re struggling with tantrums at five, I’ve helped hundreds of parents just like you. I can show you how to respond in a way that doesn’t just stop the tantrum but builds your child’s confidence and emotional resilience—and leaves you feeling proud of how you handled it.
Let me explain how.
Why Some Five-Year-Olds Still Have Tantrums
If your five-year-old is still having big meltdowns, chances are they’re a highly sensitive child. They feel emotions deeply, and their emotional systems are still developing. Change, disappointment, or anything that doesn’t go exactly their way can send them into a spiral.
And here’s the hard truth: this kind of child is harder to parent.
It’s not because they’re “bad” or “naughty”—far from it. It’s because they experience their emotions in a bigger, more intense way. Their reactions are louder, their feelings are stronger, and the simplest things can feel like the end of the world to them. And it can be exhausting.
Related: How to stop tantrums
As a parent, you can feel like you’re walking on eggshells, always bracing for the next explosion. One wrong word or action, and the tantrum is on. You start to dread certain situations—getting in the car, going to the shop, even going out to see friends. And when the tantrums come, it can feel like they ruin the whole day.
It’s not just the tantrums themselves that are overwhelming, it’s also the way we feel as parents.
We feel judged. We feel like we’re being looked at by strangers in public, wondering why our child can’t just “behave.” Maybe family members start making comments—“She’s just being naughty, you need to be firmer” or “You’re spoiling her.” The pressure mounts. You wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You feel like you’re failing.
And that judgment? It only makes things worse.
When we feel judged or embarrassed by our child’s behaviour, we start reacting from a place of frustration. We snap or give in just to make the tantrum stop. We raise our voices or shut down emotionally. And our child? They feel it too. They sense our frustration, our exhaustion, our impatience. And that only adds to their own shame and frustration.
It becomes a cycle—big emotions lead to big tantrums, which leads to our frustration, which leads to more meltdowns.
They start to believe they can’t handle their emotions. They begin to think of themselves as the “problem child,” the one who ruins everything.
It’s exhausting for both of you.
How to Stop Tantrums at 5 Years Old
The Key to Stopping Tantrums at 5 Years Old
The key to stopping tantrums is not about forcing your child to calm down or punishing them for losing control. It’s about showing them that they can handle their emotions.
It’s about helping them believe that they can calm down, even in the middle of a meltdown.
Think about it like learning to ride a bike. If a child believes they can’t do it, they won’t even try. But if they believe they can—even if they’re a bit wobbly at first—they’ll keep going, practicing, and getting better.
Emotions are the same. If your child believes they can’t handle big feelings, they’ll freeze up, or lash out, or shut down when they get upset. But if they start to believe they can? That’s when things start to change.
Your Job as a Parent is proving They Can Calm Down.
This is where the Language of Listening approach comes in. Our job as parents isn’t to stop the tantrum. It’s to facilitate it—to create an environment where our child gets repeated opportunities to experience success in managing their emotions.
Think of it like learning to swim. You wouldn’t avoid the pool just because your child might panic. You can’t swim for them—they have to learn how to do it themselves.
Similarly, with a tantrum, your job isn’t to stop it, but to help your child work through it, so they can learn to manage their emotions on their own. Each time they come through a meltdown—even a tiny bit—they start to believe, “I can handle this.”
We’re not forcing them to calm down. We’re showing them that they can calm down.
And every time they experience success, it’s like adding a stone to their foundation of emotional resilience.
Why This Matters for the Rest of Their Life
When we help them navigate those feelings and show them that they can manage them they learn resilience. They learn that emotions are just part of being human, something they can experience and move through.
When our children believe they can handle their emotions, they grow into confident, emotionally-aware adults who can cope with the challenges life throws at them.
How to Stop Tantrums at 5 Years Old
Ready for Change?
I’ve been where you are. I know how overwhelming it feels. But I also know that with the right tools and mindset, things can change.
If you’re ready to break the tantrum cycle and start showing your child how to believe in themselves, I can help. Click here to find out how.
I’ve worked with hundreds of families to transform tantrums into opportunities for growth, showing them how to respond in ways that work—for both the parent and the child. If you want support, reach out. Together, we can build a path forward that leaves you feeling empowered and your child feeling proud of themselves.
Because with the right support, you can handle this. And so can your child.
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