“I used to shout at the kids, because I didn’t know what else to do and I felt like I was losing control. Of course this just taught them to fear my outbursts yet learn nothing from them except to shout in return, and at each other. All the noise I taught them to make would trigger my anger.
I had these three awesome small children and I was ruining it. I was afraid they would grow up and not trust me.
…It’s been about ten months since I met Camilla and I realised recently that I almost never shout anymore and haven’t for quite a while. We don’t have a ‘naughty step’ or send our kids to their rooms because we don’t need to, I talk to them instead. Consequences to actions are relevant so I don’t need to make pointless, unrelated threats of punishment. I don’t feel like the kids are deliberately trying to wind me up all the time because I have learned to see situations for what they really are. I am less reactive. I finally feel like I can understand my children and give them what they need to succeed but I have learned to also be very comfortable in setting my boundaries. I can validate and sympathise but I don’t have to agree.”
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