How Do You Cope with Nasty, Rude, Disrespectful Behaviour from Teenagers? It’s often not the usual advice we’ve been given that makes the biggest difference to behaviour. It’s something more unexpected.
How do you all cope when your teenager rolls their eyes, slams a door, or speaks to you like you’re the enemy?
I’ll never forget one mum telling me about a family holiday that ended in tears — hers, not her daughter’s. She’d spent weeks organising it, trying to tick every box and create lasting memories. But what she got instead was an avalanche of attitude, sulks at dinner, and one spectacular blow-up over phone use. “She was just so rude and ungrateful,” the mum said, still reeling. “I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong.”
Sound familiar?
It’s so easy to go there, isn’t it — straight into the labels. Rude. Disrespectful. Nasty. Disobedient. Ungrateful…
But here’s the thing: all of those words? They’re judgements.
They describe how we feel about what’s happening, but they don’t tell us anything about what’s really going on underneath the surface — for us or for them.
What if we replaced judgement with curiosity?
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What if, instead of “She’s being rude,” we asked: What might she be trying to communicate here?
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Or instead of “He’s so disrespectful,” we wondered: What boundary is he trying to assert?
Because here’s the truth that so many of us never heard growing up:
Teenagers aren’t trying to be difficult for the sake of it. They want freedom. Freedom to think, to choose, to make decisions for themselves.
That’s not the same as not needing boundaries. In fact, they still need boundaries more than ever — just not ones that come wrapped in lectures, fixing, and control.
What To do with Nasty, Rude, Disrespectful Behaviour From Teenagers.
I worked with a client recently whose daughter’s behaviour had reached boiling point. Explosive outbursts, total refusal to engage, an air of defiance that had started creeping into every interaction.
Her mum came to me at the end of her rope — convinced her daughter was “out of control” and that she’d “tried everything.”
When we dug deeper, what emerged wasn’t a daughter who didn’t care — but a young person who felt constantly scrutinised and corrected.
Related: The flaw in ‘Earn in back’ parenting
How Do You Cope with Nasty, Rude, Disrespectful Behaviour from Teenagers?
Her mum (with the best of intentions) had been trying to “teach her better” — jumping in with advice, a moral, or a solution. But all the daughter felt was that nothing she said or did was ever good enough.
Her reactions, though hard to handle, were a protest.
A cry for space, autonomy, and to be seen as she is, not as who her mum wanted her to be.
It was only when her mum began to shift from fixing to listening, that things started to change.
Here’s what I often say to the parents I work with:
Our children’s behaviour is rarely just about them. It’s relational. They’re responding to us, to the environment we co-create with them. That doesn’t mean blame — it means power. It means you’re not helpless. You can change the dynamic.
It starts with getting curious.
So if you’re in the thick of it with rude, disrespectful behaviour from teenagers…
— if your teen is pushing every button you’ve got — ask yourself:
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What might they need that they don’t have the words for?
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Where might they feel powerless?
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What part of me feels threatened, and why?
And most importantly: What can I do differently, so the dance between us changes?
This is deep, challenging work — but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re tired of walking on eggshells, tired of shouting matches or cold silences, I’m here to help.
Book a free call with me today, and let’s talk about what’s really going on in your family dynamic — and how we can begin to shift it.
You can’t change them — but you can lead. And that changes everything.
Struggling with constant pushback or disconnect from your teen?
Let’s work together 1:1 to shift the dynamic and bring calm back into your home. Take the First Step Towards Easier Parenting.
Book your complimentary call today — it’s a chance for us to explore what’s going on and see how I can best support you moving forward. Book your complimentary call here
Parent coaching is like having a trusty guide on your parenting journey Let’s chat. You can schedule a complimentary, no-obligation call. You can do that by clicking right here.
What other parents are saying after working with me:
“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
“I was stuck in a pretty unpleasant vicious circle, with three awesome small children and was ruining it. I was afraid they would grow up and not trust me. Within the first couple of weeks working with Camilla I saw positive changes.” Claire, Mum of 3
