Signs Your Child Doesn’t Respect You – An Easy Way To Change That

Think your child doesn’t respect you? You’re not alone. This blog explores what respect really means and how to respond in a way that works.

I used to think my daughter didn’t respect me.

And to be honest… it would drive me mad.

Like properly wound-up, about-to-lose-it kind of mad.
I’d ask her to do something — something totally reasonable — and she’d just… ignore me.

Blank me.

Or give me that look, you know the one that practically screams, “You can’t make me.”

There’d be whining, eye-rolling, full-blown meltdowns over the most basic things.

And the talking back? Ohhh the talking back.

It felt personal. Like she was deliberately pushing every single one of my buttons.

And of course I thought, She’s being disrespectful. She doesn’t value what I say. She’s not listening. She doesn’t care.

And you know what happened next?

I went looking for evidence to prove myself right.

• “See? She rolled her eyes again. Yup, definitely disrespectful.”

• “She didn’t come when I asked. Disrespect.”

• “She slammed her bedroom door. Total disrespect.”

Suddenly every behaviour felt like a threat to my authority.

Like I needed to crack down or she’d grow up to be… what? Rude? Unruly? Unmanageable?

But here’s the thing…

“Respect” is one of those words.
The ones we use without really stopping to ask: What do I actually mean by respect?

For some parents, “respect” is the same as obedience.
You do what I say, first time, no questions asked — that = respect.

For others, it’s politeness. A calm tone of voice. Good manners. Compliance – that = respect.

And the dictionary states it as – Admiration felt or shown for someone or something that you believe has good ideas or qualities.

Signs Your Child Doesn’t Respect You. So let’s pause for a second and ask:

What does your child have to DO for you to call them disrespectful?

Because when you clicked on this post, I’m guessing there’s a part of you that already thinks your child doesn’t respect you.

• Maybe they ignore you.
• Maybe they argue, or shout, or roll their eyes.
• Maybe they whine, they talk back, they question everything you say.

And I get it. I really do.

For me, those were the signs.
When my daughter didn’t listen, when she was rude, when she whined or fussed…

I took all of that to mean she IS disrespectful.

But here’s what I’ve come to learn (and it’s big):

When we think our child IS the problem, we stop looking at the real problem.

• We label them. Disrespectful. Difficult. Defiant.
• And then we stop being curious.
• We stop coaching.
• We stop connecting.

Because let’s face it — it’s hard to be empathetic when you’re feeling attacked.

So instead of asking “What’s going on for her?”,

I was stuck in “She shouldn’t be acting like this.” And I missed the real message underneath her behaviour.

Here’s something else that trips us up…

We think if we don’t come down hard on them — if we don’t punish, or scold, or make a big deal out of it — then we’re being too soft.
Too permissive.

“Letting them get away with it.”

So we step in louder, quicker, firmer.  Thinking we have to.
Because if we don’t, who will?

But here’s what we often miss when we don’t notice – Signs Your Child Doesn’t Respect You

That reaction can land us in a hidden cycle — one we don’t even realise we’re stuck in.

• You walk into a room, see your child frown at you, and instantly think, “That look means she doesn’t care about me.”

• So you get triggered.

• You snap, get critical, tell her off — not because of the frown itself, but because of the meaning you gave it.

• And then she reacts to you.

• She pushes back, gets defensive, or shuts down.

• And you go, “See? She really doesn’t respect me!”

Can you see how that becomes the cycle?  

We react to our assumptions. Our kids react to us.
And around and around we go.

More tension.disconnection. More “proof” our kids are disrespectful — when really, we’ve just been stuck in a cycle.

And just to be clear — this doesn’t mean you have to like the behaviour.
It doesn’t mean you have to accept rudeness, backchat, or being ignored.

What it does mean is that you can stop reacting from judgement and start responding with coaching.
You can still guide your child toward better behaviour — but from a place of clarity and confidence. Because you’ll know exactly how to respond.

It’s when you can take a step back and recognise what’s really going on, that you create space to do something different.

Here’s what this new awareness taught me:

Your child’s behaviour is a communication — not a character flaw.
And who your child IS… is always good.

Let that land for a moment.

• Your child is not their behaviour.
• They’re not “rude.”
• They’re not “disrespectful.”
• They’re a growing human who’s struggling to meet a need — and doing the best they can in that moment.

So instead of trying to “fix” them, we shift the focus to coaching.

We start by asking:
👉 What kind of behaviour DO I want to see?
👉 What skills do they need help building?
👉 How can I guide them through this?

Because that’s where the real change happens.

So if you’re seeing “signs” your child doesn’t respect you, try flipping the lens.

Ask yourself:

• What does respect look like to ME?
• Am I equating respect with obedience?
• Is there a need beneath this behaviour that’s not being met?
• How can I model the kind of respectful communication I want from them?

And above all, remember:

Respect isn’t something you demand. It’s something you build — through connection and coaching.

You’ve got this.
And your child is good.

Even when they’re rolling their eyes.

If any of this has hit home — if you’re stuck in that loop, constantly second-guessing your child’s behaviour and your own reactions — you don’t have to figure it out alone.

This is exactly the kind of work I do with the families I support.

We move beyond behaviour management and into real-life coaching — where your child learns the skills they actually need, and you get the clarity, tools, and confidence to guide them.

We stop chasing obedience and start building mutual respect, skills and calm.

That’s why the results come quickly. Because instead of fixing surface-level behaviours, we work at the root. We coach your child toward the behaviour you want to see — and they start to rise to it.

Imagine this:

• Your child listens the first time — but because they want to.

• Mornings and mealtimes are peaceful (yes, even with a strong-willed child!).

• You stop second-guessing every decision or doubting yourself as a parent.

• There’s more laughter. More ease. More respect flowing both ways.

Sound good?

If you’re ready to break out of the cycle and create that kind of family life — I’d love to help.

👉 Reach out here  — let’s get started.

You don’t have to “fix” your child.
You just need the right tools to lead them. And you’re closer than you think.