Do timeouts and naughty step work? Let’s uncover the truth about timeouts and discover what might work better for your family.
Let’s talk about that classic parenting tool we’ve all heard of— timeouts for kids. Also known as the naughty step.
You know, that spot where we send our kids when they’ve misbehaved, hoping they’ll magically reflect on their behaviour and emerge with newfound wisdom and better behaviour?
But do they actually work? Let’s explore why these methods might not be as effective as we hope and what alternatives could lead to better results.
When I was struggling with my daughter’s out of control behaviour, I was assured the naughty step was the magic solution to improve my daughter’s behaviour. I was told that if I was consistent and firm, it would eventually work.
But there I was, chasing my daughter around the house, trying to get her to sit in timeout, only for her behaviour to get worse.
It left me feeling like I was failing and not ‘doing’ it right and it made me think my daughter was out of control and a naughty child.
In reality, it was the outdated thinking around timeouts that was failing both me and my daughter.
Do timeouts and naughty steps work?
Here are two reasons why timeouts are failing us and our kids, and why there are far more effective alternatives to the time outs.
1. The Faulty Logic Behind Timeouts
Timeouts assume kids know how to behave but choose not to, so they need a deterrent to motivate them. Parents imagine their child sitting quietly, reflecting on their actions, and promising to improve.
But here’s the truth: kids don’t lack motivation—they lack skills.
It’s like putting yourself in a timeout because you snapped at your kids expecting it to magically teach you how to stay calm under pressure. It doesn’t work like that!
Young children’s brains aren’t developed enough to connect actions with future consequences. They’re impulsive and react to emotions in the moment.
Timeouts miss the mark—they don’t teach kids how to handle their emotions or behaviour. Instead of punishing, we need to coach our kids and help them build the skills to manage themselves better.
Click here to read what they’re really thinking when they’re sitting in timeout.
You can’t punish children into good behaviour.
2. Timeouts and naughty steps often just make our kids feel worse about themselves.
You might think, “I’m not saying my child is bad, just that their behaviour is.” But kids don’t separate what they do from who they are. If they’re constantly told their behaviour is naughty, they start to believe they are naughty.
Children act according to who they believe they are. So, every time they’re sent to timeout, it reinforces the idea that they’re bad. And when kids see themselves as bad, they tend to act that way.
The Pattern of Repeated Timeouts
Ever notice it’s often the same child who ends up in timeout over and over? That’s no coincidence. Timeouts don’t address the root cause of the behaviour, so the same issues keep popping up.
In my house, it was always my daughter. No matter how many times she was sent to the naughty step, the behaviour didn’t change. Why? Because timeouts weren’t teaching her what to do instead—they were just reinforcing the idea that she was “naughty.”
When children feel stuck in this cycle, they’re more likely to act out again, creating a frustrating loop for both the parent and the child. Without guidance or skill-building, the behaviour repeats itself, and everyone ends up feeling like they’re losing.
Related: Why Children Get Angry When They’re Told Off
An Effective Way To Respond When Your Child’s Behaving Badly
Why don’t timeouts and the naughty step work?
Children need to develop the right skills to succeed. Timeouts don’t provide this—they only make kids feel like they’ve failed, without showing them what to do next time.
Kids often already know what they shouldn’t do, but it’s not information that changes behaviour—it’s the practice and skill-building that makes the difference.
Think about it —
Most of us already know we shouldn’t shout at our kids, but we still do. We feel bad about it, and yet it’s hard to stop when we’re frustrated. Now, imagine if someone put you in timeout every time you shouted—would that really help you change your behaviour?
Probably not.
It’s the same for kids. It’s not just knowing what to do; it’s the practice and skill-building that makes the difference.
| Feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, Sarah was desperate for a change. Her spirited five-year-old, Jake, was a handful, and timeouts had become her go-to method of discipline. But the more she used them, the more frustrated she became, as Jake’s outbursts and defiance only seemed to escalate.
Sarah’s story might sound familiar—feeling like you’re at your wit’s end, unsure how to guide your child in a way that truly works. She was right where you might be now, searching for a better way. When Sarah reached out for help, I introduced her to the Language of Listening® coaching model. I showed her simple yet powerful techniques that shifted how she responded to Jake’s behaviour, empowering both of them in the process. The change was almost immediate. The very next morning, Sarah messaged me, thrilled to share how differently Jake reacted when she used her new skills. She handled a tricky situation with confidence, and to her surprise, Jake began to manage his behaviour more independently, feeling proud of himself. Sarah’s journey shows us that it’s not about being perfect; it’s about finding the right tools to guide our children in a way that works. Like Sarah discovered, sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective to unlock the potential in our children—and in ourselves. Imagine the relief and pride you could feel, just like Sarah, knowing you’ve found a way to guide your child that actually brings out the best in both of you |
Let’s rethink timeouts and naughty steps.
Language of Listening, the coaching model I use and teach, is like having your own personal guide to understanding and supporting your child’s development.
It moves beyond traditional discipline methods by giving you with three powerful tools and offering three insightful ways to see your child’s world more clearly.
What I love about Language of Listening is how it effortlessly works with human nature. It makes parenting easier and more enjoyable.
Empower your kids with self-esteem and confidence to manage their own behaviour
Start laying that groundwork now, and trust me, you’ll sail through the teen years.
Forget the myth that teens are destined to rebel—they rebel against old-school control tactics like the time outs. Raise them the Language of Listening way and there’s nothing to rebel against.
Build a foundation of coaching, understanding, and respect now, and you’ll nurture a relationship build on mutual trust and cooperation.
Imagine the impact: improved behaviour, more cooperation, and genuine expressions of love and connection from your child.
Recap
Here’s why timeouts and the naughty step don’t work.
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They’re based on the flawed idea that kids misbehave by choice and need a deterrent to motivate them to do better.
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They assume children can reflect on their actions, which many simply aren’t developmentally ready to do.
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They label children as “naughty,” reinforcing negative self-perceptions instead of teaching positive behaviours.
Instead, guide your child with empathy, respect, and effective coaching. This helps them build the skills and confidence they need to thrive—now and in the future.
At your wit’s end with your child’s behaviour and looking for something that really works? Want a simple, actionable plan that can start making a difference in just a few minutes a day?
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“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
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