Discovering how to get kids to listen without yelling became my mission. I longed to be a calm and supportive parent, to create a peaceful home for my children. I had two beautiful kids, but I felt like I was ruining everything.
Keep reading because I’m going to share with you what I found about getting kids to listen without yelling,
And I have to tell you, the reason we shout at our kids isn’t what we typically think.
I used to have such a rocky relationship with my daughter. Her behaviour constantly pushed my buttons, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop shouting at her. The guilt and frustration were overwhelming.
I wanted to control my emotions and reactions, to be the parent my kids deserved, and to feel proud of the loving relationship I knew we could have.
Every morning, I’d vow to stop yelling at my kids, yet there I was shouting before I’d had breakfast.
I remember the chaos of trying to get everyone ready for school—shoes missing, backpacks half-packed, breakfast uneaten. I found myself yelling because my kids were dawdling or fighting over who got to sit in the front seat of the car.
I felt powerless and overwhelmed, convinced I was a bad parent. I thought that if I just took deep breaths and counted to ten, I would transform into a zen mother.
Then, one day, I stumbled upon something called Language of Listening®. It’s a parenting approach focused on bringing out the best in yourself and your child.
It’s the most compassionate method I’ve encountered.
With this approach, you have tools to find the middle ground—staying true to your values while also meeting your child’s needs.
Determined to change, I committed to practising Language of Listening.
For the first time, I felt back in charge of my emotions and our interactions. Slowly but surely, the daily shouting decreased and our home started to feel like the loving, supportive environment I had always wanted.
This made me so passionate about helping other parents that I spent years studying to become an authorised Language of Listening coach, just so I could share how life-changing this approach can be.
I know you don’t want to be shouting at your kids either.
Looking back now, I understand why I shouted. It wasn’t that I was failing or that I wasn’t good enough.
I was trying my best with the info I had, but I didn’t have the tools or insights to handle challenges effectively.
The good news is, there is a way to get kids to listen without yelling.How to stop yelling at your kids
When we find ourselves shouting at our kids, it’s natural to focus on changing their behaviour.
It’s easy to think, “If only they would listen, I wouldn’t have to shout.”
This frustration often leads us to try to control our kids more, but ironically, this can make them listen even less.
Break the cycle of shouting at children all starts with understanding the cycle we find ourselves on.
We get stuck in a cycle:
- we shout,
- Our kids resist,
- We shout more,
- Our kids stop listening,
- The more we try to control them,
- The more they push back,
- And the cycle just keeps repeating.
Why we yell at our kids.
Surprisingly, it has very little to do with our kids. It’s about our own emotions, stressors, and triggers.
If you’re reading this and feeling guilty or like you’re being blamed, hang tight—it’s not about pointing fingers.
In parenting, we’re often quick to assign blame when things get tough, but that’s not what this is about.
It’s about awareness and understanding. We can’t change what we don’t know, right? Effective
Recognising our own emotional responses is the first step toward creating a calmer, more supportive atmosphere for both us and our little ones.
It’s what enables you to cherish family life and nurture the relationship you want with your children—without any shouting.
Time flies, especially with our kids at home, and we don’t want these precious moments overshadowed by yelling. If this resonates with you, don’t hesitate to take action.
It would be my pleasure to help you stop shouting and get your kids listening without relying on yelling, bribes, or threats.
If I could transform from shouting until my throat hurt to not even remembering the last time I shouted at my kids, I believe you can do it too.
How to get kids to listen without yelling.
In order to stop shouting at our kids we have to start with understanding WHY we shout in the first place.
Here’s 4 reasons we shout at our kids.
1. You react to your assumptions, judgements or fears about what’s happening.
There were times when I’d ask my daughter to tidy up her toys before dinner, She’d be deep in her play, totally engrossed, and it’s like my words just floated right on past her. It used to drive me nuts!
I used to think my daughter “never listened.”
Which led me to judge her as rude and ungrateful, and I would fear she would end up with no friends.
And I would assume her lack of listening meant I didn’t matter.
So, it’s no wonder I shouted—I felt powerless as my daughter’s behaviour triggered an old inner wound of “I didn’t matter.”
But my shouting made my daughter feel like she didn’t matter, and she listened to me less because who listens to someone shouting at them? – just saying!
How to kids to listen.
When I paused and used Say What You See (The first step in the framework I teach) to get into the moment, I realised she was busy playing and had a different agenda than me. Of course! she was a little girl happily engrossed in her play; no wonder she didn’t want to stop for a dinner.
Understanding this helped me stay present, reframe what I was seeing, and not take her lack of listening personally. While holding my boundary about dinner time.
The magic of using the SWYS tool is that it helps you ‘see’ things so differently. When we change how we see things, our reactions automatically change too.
2. You feel overwhelmed in the moment
I remember those chaotic mornings trying to get my kids ready for school. It was a whirlwind with lunches to pack, breakfast to make, and everyone needing to be dressed and out the door on time.
Then, out of nowhere, my daughter would start throwing a tantrum because she couldn’t find her favourite socks.
In those moments, I felt my stress levels skyrocketing. I’d try to keep calm, but inside, I was panicking. With so much to do and this unexpected outburst adding to the pressure, I often found myself resorting to shouting at my kids.
“We don’t have time for this! You’re so annoying! Just pick something else and let’s go!”
And I’d be left questioning how to get kids to listen without yelling? It felt so out of reach.
Shouting at my kids became my default reaction because I felt overwhelmed and wasn’t sure how else to handle the situation.
Looking back, I’ve learned that having strategies to collaborate with my kids and find solutions together can prevent those overwhelming moments from taking over our mornings.
Having the CAN DO tool from Language of Listening was a game changer. It gives you a new way to understand boundaries and support your kids in meeting their needs within those boundaries.
By using this approach, you empower your kids to become problem solvers who can find their own solutions, making our mornings—and our interactions—much smoother and more positive.
3. You feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness
You know, reflecting on my own journey, I used to think I had to be the peacekeeper at home, especially with my kids. Whenever things got tense, I’d dive in headfirst, trying to smooth it all out and keep everyone happy.
But, that role started feeling like carrying a ton of bricks after a while.
One day, my kids started arguing over a toy. I swooped in, determined to settle the score and restore peace. Well, despite my best efforts, it just made things worse. Their bickering continued, and I felt like a failure.
The pressure to keep everyone’s emotions in check became totally overwhelming.
Frustration built up, and before I knew it, I found myself shouting, “That’s enough! I can’t deal with this anymore!”
Looking back, I see now that my shouting stemmed from being raised as a ‘good child’, where I felt pressured to make others happy. Which left me feeling like I couldn’t measure up and this crazy idea that I could control everyone’s feelings.
Of course I ended up shouting at my kids when I had burdened myself with an impossible task.
Remember: we are not responsible for how our kids feel. It’s not our job.
Instead, we can support, encourage, and coach them to manage their own emotions. Because let’s be clear—we’re not the cause of their emotions.
How to get kids to listen without yelling
To stop shouting for good is like peeling back layers of an onion. When we connect those dots back to our own childhood experiences, suddenly it all makes sense as to why we shout, right?
So, which reason hits home for you? Can you pinpoint how your own childhood experiences might be shaping your reactions today?
Understanding these connections can be eye-opening—it’s like finding the missing puzzle piece. When we get why we react as we do, we gain insights that help us handle things more calmly and effectively.
And it’s incredibly liberating too. Uncovering the reasons behind our shouting is like lifting a heavy weight off our shoulders—it suddenly doesn’t have such a hold on us.
It puts us back in the driver’s seat of our emotions and reactions, giving us the power to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
It’s not just about getting our kids to listen—it’s about understanding ourselves better too.
Reducing shouting means more listening from our kids and navigating those tough moments with more ease.
Imagine flipping the script, discovering new ways to navigate challenges, and fostering a happier, more peaceful home.
At your wit’s end with your child’s behaviour and looking for something that really works? Want a simple, actionable plan that can start making a difference in just a few minutes a day?
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As a qualified, authorised child behaviour specialist and parenting coach, I provide personalised support and practical solutions to turn your parenting challenges into a calm, happy, peaceful home.
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What other parents are saying after working with me:
“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
“I was stuck in a pretty unpleasant vicious circle, with three awesome small children and was ruining it. I was afraid they would grow up and not trust me. Within the first couple of weeks working with Camilla I saw positive changes.” Claire, Mum of 3
Ready to take the first step toward the family life you’ve been dreaming of?
