How To Change a Child’s ‘Bad’ Behaviour.
As parents, our natural instinct is to correct our children when they don’t listen or act up. We do this because we genuinely want to help them learn and grow.
The thought process is simple: if they know what they’re doing wrong, they can fix it and do better next time.
This approach is well-intentioned, but it can sometimes have unintended consequences.
Dealing With Child Behaviour Problems
When we’re dealing with what we see as “bad” behaviour, it’s so easy to zero in on what we don’t want and end up over-correcting.
When we’re always correcting our kids, the message they get is that they’re never doing anything right, and that can make them feel like they’re always falling short.
This constant nitpicking leads to frustration, defiance and anxiety, which then shows up in behaviour we end up calling “bad.”
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An Effective Way To Respond When Your Child’s Behaving Badly
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Or they might avoid challenges or get scared of making mistakes because they’re worried about getting criticised, and that fear can push them to act out even more, creating a never-ending cycle of correction.
What You Can Do To Change Your Child’s Behaviour
But what if I told you there’s a more effective—and much more positive—way to guide them?
Imagine a parenting approach where instead of nitpicking every little thing your child does wrong, you relentlessly affirm their strengths.
You focus on the good choices they make, the amazing traits they display, and the small victories they achieve every day.
This approach isn’t just about being nice; it’s about fundamentally reshaping how your child sees themselves and how they navigate the world around them.
If this idea resonates with you, my book goes deeper into this approach. It offers practical strategies and real-life examples to help you shift your parenting style, boost your child’s confidence, and create a more supportive environment. Grab a copy to see how focusing on strengths can transform your child’s behaviour and your relationship with them.
In Language of Listening, the coaching model I teach, we have a powerful premise: ‘Kids act according to who they believe they are.’
If you highlight their strengths, they’ll start to see themselves as capable, responsible, and well behaved.
And guess what? They’ll act accordingly.
How To Change a Child’s ‘Bad’ Behaviour
The Importance of Pausing
Here’s a small but significant shift you can make: pause before you react.
This pause isn’t just about delaying your response; it’s about tuning in to your child’s perspective. By observing first, you can see their true intentions and better understand their behaviour.
Take a moment to observe your child’s intentions and actions. This small act of pausing can reveal so much more than you might think.
How Can Parents Help Kids Behave Better?
Let me share a story that illustrates this beautifully.I was at a local lido, watching two toddlers play in the baby pool. One of the kids, a curious two-year-old, kept glancing at the big pool nearby. You could see the wheels turning in his head. Suddenly, he made a run for it, heading straight toward the big pool. My instinct was to shout, to tell him off before he got too close. But instead, I paused. I watched a few more seconds. And to my amazement he stopped at the first step. He knew the rules! He knew it wasn’t safe to go any further by himself, and he stopped. Now, imagine if I had immediately corrected him instead. He might have felt like he did something wrong, even though his actions showed an incredible amount of awareness and self-control for a two-year-old. Instead, I got to point out a strength:I said: “You really wanted to go to the big pool. And you knew it wasn’t safe by yourself, so you stopped. That shows you know how to keep yourself safe and that you know the rules.” What a completely different message that child received about himself!Instead of feeling like he was in trouble, he learned something powerful about who he is: someone who knows the rules and can keep himself safe. |
And because of that, he’s more likely to follow the rules in the future, not out of fear, but out of pride in his own capability.
Change Your Child’s Behaviour
The Ripple Effect of Pointing Out Strengths
When you focus on your child’s strengths, you create a ripple effect. That little boy now knows that he’s capable of making good decisions.
He’ll start to see himself as someone who knows the rules and follows them. His self-esteem will grow, and so will your pride in him.
And this isn’t just a feel-good story; it’s the foundation of helping your child grow into a confident child who knows how to manage their own behaviour.
A Simple Strategy To Change Your Child Behaviour
So, here’s my challenge to you: try it.
Relentlessly affirm your kids. No nitpicking, no constant correcting.
Just pause, watch, and point out their strengths.
I promise you, it’s far more motivating—and rewarding—than anything else you’ve tried.
And if you’re wondering how to make this shift, you’re in luck! The tools from Language of Listening give you the exact steps to do just that.
These tools show you how to truly see your child’s strengths, how to use them to guide behaviour, and how to transform your relationship with your child in the process.
At your wit’s end with your child’s behaviour and looking for something that really works? Want a simple, actionable plan that can start making a difference in just a few minutes a day?
The Language of Listening Collection, £15
Get immediate access to 3 eBooks with practical tools and step by step guidance to better behaviour and more joy at home
Page by page you’ll find easy and practical solutions to real life dilemmas faced by parents, just like you.
No punishments, bribes, or rewards needed—just happy kids and even happier parents!
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You don’t have to go it alone! I’m here to help.
As a qualified, authorised child behaviour specialist and parenting coach, I provide personalised support and practical solutions to turn your parenting challenges into a calm, happy, peaceful home.
Parent coaching is like having a trusty guide on your parenting journey Let’s chat. You can schedule a complimentary, no-obligation call. You can do that by clicking right here.
What other parents are saying after working with me:
“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
“I was stuck in a pretty unpleasant vicious circle, with three awesome small children and was ruining it. I was afraid they would grow up and not trust me. Within the first couple of weeks working with Camilla I saw positive changes.” Claire, Mum of 3
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