My child has bad attitude!
The startling truth about your child’s bad attitude. If you’ve noticed your child’s attitude getting worse despite your best efforts, there might be a hidden factor at play.
In this post, we’ll uncover a surprising truth that many parents miss—one that could be unintentionally fuelling an “I don’t care.” attitude.
Understanding this overlooked cause can be the key to turning things around and improving your child’s attitude for the better.
One of my earliest memories is sitting on the living room floor, eagerly telling my mum all about my favourite TV show, Mysterious Cities of Gold, and how much I loved going to dance class. I remember feeling it felt good to bond over the things I enjoyed.
But that feeling didn’t last long.
The next time I misbehaved, she hit me with, “No Cities of Gold and no ballet class this week.” I was crushed. In that moment, I thought, Well, I won’t be telling her what I like anymore.
I made a decision right then: if the things I loved could be used against me, I’d keep them to myself.
Now, as a parent myself, that experience got me thinking—why do we use what our kids love as leverage?
It seems logical in the heat of the moment—take away what they enjoy to motivate better behaviour. But what we often don’t realise is that this tactic can do more harm than good.
Before we get started, and so we’re on the same page—
What exactly is a child’s bad attitude?
It’s when your child suddenly turns into the master of indifference—eye rolls, backtalk, zero motivation, and an “I don’t care!” attitude.
It’s frustrating, right?
But there’s more to this attitude than meets the eye. How you respond might be unintentionally reinforcing this behaviour.
My Child Has an Attitude Problem.
I once worked with a client, Hannah, who came to me feeling completely frustrated with her son’s bad attitude.
He had always been passionate about football—it was his favourite thing in the world. But lately, his behaviour at home had become defiant, and she didn’t know how to handle it.
In an attempt to get him to behave, she started using football as leverage, stopping him from going to his football club if he didn’t listen.
At first, it seemed like a logical consequence when your child has bad attitude
But instead of motivating him, her son’s behaviour got worse. He became rude, defiant and unmotivated, and even started saying he didn’t care about football anymore.
What Hannah didn’t realise at the time was that by using something he loved against him, she was teaching him to detach—not just from football, but from sharing what he cared about with her.
Each time she threatened to take away his favourite activities, he learned to put up a wall to protect himself from the hurt of losing what mattered to him.
Over time, that wall grew taller and taller.
When your child has bad attitude
So, what does it mean to detach?
It’s when we disconnect from our emotions, not just the negative ones, but also the feelings of joy and what motivates us.
We lose the drive that pushes us forward, leaving us indifferent and unengaged.
This is what can happen when we use what our kids love as punishment: we unintentionally teach them to stop caring.
The Emotional Impact of DetachmentWhen we take away the things that bring our children joy, they begin to protect themselves by detaching.But this detachment doesn’t just disappear when they grow older—it has lasting effects. Kids who are repeatedly disconnected from what they love may:
The consequences stretch far beyond the initial punishment. |
Why Does My Child have“Bad Attitude”?
Parents often find themselves stuck in a frustrating cycle
This cycle keeps repeating.
Thinking ‘my child has an attitude problem’ creates more emotional distance and less understanding and we’re more inclined to use punishment to change their behaviour.
What our children truly crave is connection and security. They need to feel safe with us. But when we use their passions as punishment, we create a rift in that safety.
Related posts:
- An Effective Way To Respond When Your Child’s Behaving Badly
- Surprisingly Easy Way When Dealing With Child Behaviour Problems
What Can I Do To Stop My Child’s Bad Attitude?
Breaking the Cycle Of Your Child’s Bad Attitude.
First, it’s understaning why do we do it.
It’s easy to believe that taking away privileges will teach our kids a lesson and motivate them to behave.
But let’s pause and think about this: If someone you loved and trusted took away your favourite things every time you didn’t act a certain way, would you feel motivated to listen? (Just to clarify, I’m referring to personal relationships, not a work or boss relationship.)
Probably not. It would feel like manipulation, not part of a healthy, supportive relationship.
Our kids are no different. Instead of fostering a positive connection, using their passions as punishment breeds resentment and distance.
A New Approach To A Child’s Bad Attitude
After working together, Hannah started to see things differently. The next time she was tempted to say, “No football because you didn’t listen,” she paused and asked herself, What’s the bigger picture here? She began coaching her son instead—working with him to develop his emotional skills, helping him manage his behaviour without using football as collateral.
And slowly, things began to shift. Her son’s attitude improved, not because he feared losing football, but because he felt supported and understood. He wanted to cooperate—not out of fear, but because he felt seen and heard.
For Hannah, that was the real victory: watching her son thrive, while their connection grew stronger.
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“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
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