How to handle constant misbehaviour in a way that Works
If you feel like nothing is working and you’re stuck in a cycle of defiance, attitude, and endless battles, you’re not alone.
The good news? There’s a way to turn things around—without more punishments, threats, or bribes
Parents ask me these questions all the time:
- How do I stop my child from being disrespectful?
- How do you discipline a child with attitude?
- When should I worry about my child’s behaviour?
- Is it normal for my 6-year-old to be defiant?
- How do you discipline a child who won’t listen?
And I get it. When our child is pushing boundaries, answering back, or refusing to listen, it’s easy to feel frustrated and desperate for answers.
We start searching in all the usual places—more discipline, stricter consequences, trying to gain more control over their behaviour.
I spent years using strict tactics that only made things worse— I thought I was the problem, but really, it was the tools I was using. I don’t want you to go through the same struggle I did.
It’s the main reason I became a parenting coach—to show parents a way that actually works. You can get the behaviour you want from your child while keeping peace and harmony at home.
How to Handle Constant Misbehaviour
Society has conditioned us to believe that when a child misbehaves repeatedly, they need more consequences. More punishments. More discipline.
Schools reflect this thinking too—detentions, missed playtimes, stricter rules, zero-tolerance policies.
The idea? If we just crack down hard enough, the child will stop. They’ll learn their lesson. They’ll behave.
But let’s be honest—how often does that actually work?
The Truth About How to Handle Constant Misbehaviour
If punishments were the answer, children would learn. Yet, we see the same behaviours over and over again.
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The child who constantly argues, refuses to listen and cooperate.
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The one who bosses their siblings around.
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The one who seems to go out of their way to cause disruption.
And what do we do? We double down. More rules, control, power over them.
Related:
How to handle disrespectful behaviour in your child
Is taking away your child’s phone a good punishment?
Why threats and consequences don’t work—even if you follow through
Here’s the problem:
Children who act controlling, bossy, or mean are not children who feel powerful. They are children who feel completely powerless.
Misbehaviour Comes From Unmet Needs
There are two key reasons why children continually misbehave:
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They are trying to meet their need for power.
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They lack the skills to behave differently.
Punishments don’t fix either of these.
A child who is feeling powerless will fight for power. That means pushing back, controlling others, and refusing to cooperate. If we don’t help them find positive ways to meet their need for power, they will find ways that are often in ways we don’t like.
And if they lack skills—emotional regulation, communication, impulse control—then all the punishments in the world won’t magically teach them what they don’t yet know.
What to Do When a Child Continually Misbehaves in a Way That Works. – The Cycle of Just Stopping Behaviour
If we focus only on stopping the behaviour without addressing the need behind it, we create a much bigger problem.
We end up with a child who:
- Learns to suppress their needs rather than express them in healthy ways.
- Feels resentful and misunderstood.
- Develops sneakier or more extreme ways to meet their need for power.
Repeatedly Stopping Unwanted Surface Behaviour Without Meeting Needs is a Formula for Creating a Problem Child.
What is a problem child? It’s not a child who is bad or difficult—it’s a child whose needs haven’t been met in healthy ways. When children don’t know how to meet their needs for power, experience, or connection in positive ways, they act out in ways that seem disruptive, defiant, or even aggressive.
Ever tried to fix a leaking pipe by just mopping up the water? It might look better for a moment, but the leak is still there, and soon enough, the problem gets worse. That’s exactly what happens when we focus only on stopping a child’s behaviour without addressing what’s driving it.
A child who keeps bossing others around might look like they need a firm hand, more discipline, or stricter consequences. But underneath that, they’re likely feeling powerless. If we just shut down their behaviour without giving them a healthy way to feel powerful, they’ll find another (often worse) way to do it.
If a child’s behaviour is coming from powerlessness, why do we think adding more powerlessness and control will change their behaviour?
It’s the same with any behaviour—if a child is acting out, there’s always a reason. And when we ignore that reason, we don’t solve the problem; we just push it underground until it comes back bigger, louder, and harder to handle.
By recognising what’s really going on, we can actually help children rather than just managing them. That’s the difference between short-term compliance and long-term change.
We see the effect of punishments and control at schools.
What Actually Works When a Child Continually Misbehaves
When we shift our focus to the right approach, behaviour can transform almost overnight. In fact, the families I work with often witness dramatic improvements in their child’s behaviour—sometimes within just a few days.
Children who once resisted listening or cooperating suddenly become more receptive. Aggressive behaviours diminish, and in their place, parents discover a child who listens, loves, and takes responsibility for their actions.
No punishments. No power struggles. Just real, lasting change that brings peace and harmony back to the home.
- Rather than controlling children, we can instead show them how to meet their need for power in ways that don’t hurt themselves or others.
- Likewise, instead of punishing them for lacking skills, we can actively support them in building those skills.
A Real-Life Example
This was the exact journey of parents I worked with, their 7-year-old son behaviour was completely out of control. Like many parents, they knew what not to do—no yelling, no punishments—but she was left unsure of what to do instead. Because we still need to be in charge, hold boundaries and have expectations for our kids.. this isn’t permissive parenting after all!
Instead of adding more restrictions or power struggles, she took a different path using the three steps of Language of Listening.
They began with SWYS (“See What You See”)—pausing to observe their son’s behaviour without judgment, to understand the what and why behind his acting out.
Next, they focused on CAN DOs—spotlighting what her son could do rather than what he couldn’t, offering him alternatives within boundaries that helped him feel capable and empowered. Coaching him to meet his needs in healthy ways.
Finally, they recognised his STRENGTHS—those hidden qualities that often get lost amid the challenging behaviour—and celebrated them to build his confidence and deepen their connection.
The shift was remarkable. Power struggles faded, their son became calmer and more cooperative, and they moved from powerlessness to confident and hopeful, equipped with practical tools they could use every day.
This is what’s possible when we stop trying to control and start coaching our kids.
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What other parents are saying after working with me:
“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
“I was stuck in a pretty unpleasant vicious circle, with three awesome small children and was ruining it. I was afraid they would grow up and not trust me. Within the first couple of weeks working with Camilla I saw positive changes.” Claire, Mum of 3
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