Easy Way To Respond When Your Toddler Won’t Say Sorry.
Let’s talk about one of those moments that can make us feel a bit helpless and, let’s be honest, a little judged.
Your toddler has just taken their friend’s toy, there’s a meltdown brewing, and you ask them to say “sorry.” Instead, they look at you like you’ve spoken an alien language. Sound familiar?
It’s totally normal to fear for the future when our toddlers display challenging behaviours. We worry that if we don’t nip it in the bud now, we’ll end up with a child who never learns to apologise or take responsibility.
Have an older child who refuses to say sorry? click here.
But let’s take a deep breath and remember: we’re dealing with toddlers here. These little ones are still figuring out the world, and their brains are a work in progress.
So often, our responses are clouded by the fear of outside judgement. We worry about what other parents think, what the grandparents will say, or how we’ll be perceived in public.
But what we sometimes forget is that no one else’s opinion matters as much as our understanding and compassion for our toddler’s developmental stage.
We can’t project our toddler’s behaviour into the future. Instead, we can focus on guiding them with patience and love, understanding that this is just a part of their learning journey.
In this post, we’ll explore what to do when your toddler won’t say sorry, offering strategies that are rooted in empathy and the knowledge that this too shall pass.
Let’s dive in and find ways to support our little ones—and ourselves—through these trying but teachable moments.
Why Won’t My Toddler Say Sorry?
There are two main reasons toddlers don’t say sorry, and they fall into two key areas:
1. Lack of Empathy
Toddlers are still developing their sense of empathy. They might not fully comprehend the impact of their actions on others, so they don’t feel the need to apologise. This isn’t a sign of bad behaviour but rather a normal part of their emotional development.
2. Lack of Understanding
At this age, children may not fully grasp what “sorry” means or when it is appropriate to use it. Toddlers live in the moment and often don’t see the world as adults do. Their brains are still developing, and they are learning how to navigate social interactions.
Tips for encouraging apologies
Model behaviour you want to see
One of the most effective ways to teach your toddler to say sorry is by modelling the behaviour yourself. When you make a mistake, apologise in front of your child and to your child. This shows them that saying sorry is a normal and appropriate response to certain situations.
It also reminded me how important it is to show empathy and understanding to our toddlers while teaching them to apologies. This way, they learn by watching us and start to understand the importance of empathy and making amends.
Use simple language when your toddler won’t say sorry.
Toddlers respond better to simple and direct language. Instead of a long explanation, use short phrases like “We say sorry when we hurt someone” This helps them understand the basic concept without overwhelming them.
Keeping things simple makes it easier for them to grasp what you’re saying. For example, if they accidentally knock over a friend’s block tower, you can gently say, “Oops, we say sorry when we knock things over.” This clear and straightforward approach helps your toddler connect the action with the need to apologise.
Another great way to help your toddler understand the concept of saying sorry is by reading books together. There are many wonderful children’s books that focus on themes of empathy, kindness, and apologising.
Stories like these can illustrate the importance of saying sorry in a way that’s engaging and easy for young children to understand. Plus, reading together provides a perfect opportunity for bonding and learning!
Point out STRENGTHs when your toddler won’t say sorry.
When your toddler does say sorry, even if it takes some prompting, point out a STRENGTH.
In Language of Listening, the STRENGTH tool is a bit different from praise. It’s all about helping your child see their own strengths.
When you point out a STRENGTH, you reflect to your child how you see them. In Language of Listening, we believe children act according to who they believe they are. So, when you connect an action with a strength, it becomes undeniable proof of who your child is.
For example, instead of just saying, “Good job saying sorry,” you could say, “You knocked over your sibling’s tower, and you said sorry. That shows you’re thoughtful and kind.” This helps your child see themselves as a thoughtful and kind person, which encourages more positive behaviour in the future.
Ready to quickly transform your child’s behaviour? Download my booklets with hundreds of STRENGTHs to point out to your child. Encourage positive behaviour and help your child see their best qualities. Click here to get started and see the difference!
Be Patient and Consistent
Teaching a toddler to say sorry is a gradual process, so it’s important to be patient and consistent. Young children are still learning about empathy and social interactions, and mastering these skills takes time. Here are some key points to keep in mind.
Toddlers learn through repetition and by seeing themselves as successful. Keep pointing out STRENGTHs and practicing saying sorry. Over time, they’ll begin to understand and use apologies on their own.
What not to do to get your child to say sorry
I don’t recommend using punishments like timeouts or taking away toys to teach your child to say sorry. Sure, these methods might get your child to say the word “sorry,” but our goal is more than just empty words. We want our children to feel genuine remorse and truly understand the impact of their actions.
Punishments may get a child to say sorry out of fear or to avoid getting into more trouble, but these apologies often lack sincerity. They’re just words said to avoid further consequences, not a true indication that they understand or feel empathy.
Quick Tip
When your toddler refuses to say sorry, try role-playing with their favourite toys. For example, use two stuffed animals to act out a scenario where one toy hurts the other and then apologises. This can make the concept of saying sorry more relatable and less intimidating for your child.
RECAP
Remember, your toddler’s reluctance to say sorry is more about their stage of development than about being naughty or defiant. With patience, modelling, and consistent encouragement, they will eventually learn the importance of apologising and understanding others’ feelings.
At your wit’s end with your child’s behaviour and looking for something that really works? Want a simple, actionable plan that can start making a difference in just a few minutes a day?
The Language of Listening Collection, £15
Get immediate access to 3 eBooks with practical tools and step by step guidance to better behaviour and more joy at home
Page by page you’ll find easy and practical solutions to real life dilemmas faced by parents, just like you.
No punishments, bribes, or rewards needed—just happy kids and even happier parents!
Feeling overwhelmed with parenting challenges? Get online parenting support now.
I offer 1-2-1 coaching support to a more enjoyable, joyful family life.
You don’t have to go it alone! I’m here to help.
As a qualified, authorised child behaviour specialist and parenting coach, I provide personalised support and practical solutions to turn your parenting challenges into a calm, happy, peaceful home.
Parent coaching is like having a trusty guide on your parenting journey Let’s chat. You can schedule a complimentary, no-obligation call. You can do that by clicking right here.
What other parents are saying after working with me:
“Camilla was the answer to our prayers. I am endlessly grateful to her and only wish I’d found her sooner.” Louisa, Mum of 2
“Camilla coached us through different methods. Methods which I had never thought about, but gave us incredible results in a very short space of time, methods which we still use now and are so easy to implement on a daily basis. I am no longer the shouty mum I used to be. And my relationship with my kids has changed so much, I often wonder why I hadn’t started this journey sooner.’ Lucy, Mum of 3
“I was stuck in a pretty unpleasant vicious circle, with three awesome small children and was ruining it. I was afraid they would grow up and not trust me. Within the first couple of weeks working with Camilla I saw positive changes.” Claire, Mum of 3
Ready to take the first step toward the family life you’ve been dreaming of?
