A sassy child on your hands? Read this quick!
Dealing with a super sassy child can leave you feeling frustrated and confused. But what if that attitude is actually a cry for understanding?
Discover the surprising reasons behind your child’s sass and how to turn it into cooperation using a simple, effective approach.
When Your Kid Is Super Sassy
You’re rushing to get out the door. You ask your child to put on her shoes. Instead of a quick, “OK, Mum,” you get an exaggerated eye roll, a loud sigh, and a sharp, “Ugh, I know, Mum! You’re always telling me what to do.”
Instant sass.
You’re left baffled. All you did was ask her to put on her shoes—what’s with the attitude?
Sound familiar?
It might not always be about shoes—maybe it’s turning off the TV, brushing her hair, or getting started on homework.
The sassy attitude seems to pop up at the worst times, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a battle. It feels disrespectful and frustrating, leaving you wondering how to handle it.
But before we write it off as “kids these days,” let’s dig a little deeper into what’s really going on.
Related: Child Has Bad Attitude. A Startling Truth That Could Actually Make It Worse
How to deal with a sassy child
A sassy child. What’s Behind the Sass?
A super Sassy child.
Here’s the thing: Sass isn’t your child suddenly becoming rude or defiant for the fun of it.
It’s actually a predictable response when your child feels misunderstood or when they think you don’t see their point of view. It often comes out when they’re feeling frustrated, unfairly judged, angry, or resentful. And when we humans feel these big emotions, what happens? We often feel powerless.
So, what do we do to feel powerful again? We roll our eyes, snap back, or get defensive—it’s a normal human reaction, isn’t it? We’ve all been there!
When we’re overwhelmed or hurt, we try to regain some control, and for kids, sass is one way they try to do that. It’s not them being “bad”; it’s them struggling with big feelings and trying to make sense of them.
Why Do Kids Get Sassy?
Here’s a list of reasons why kids can be sassy:
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Feel bossed around – They don’t like being told what to do all the time and want more control.
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Feel misunderstood – When they think their perspective isn’t being heard or valued.
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Frustration – Struggling with something or feeling stuck can lead to snappy responses.
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Unfairly judged – When they feel criticised or labelled.
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Powerlessness – Sass can be a way to regain a sense of control in a situation.
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Resentment – Holding on to feelings of anger or unfairness from past situations.
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So, the sass comes out. And how do we typically respond?
We say things like: “Don’t talk to me like that,” or “That’s rude,” We correct them or tell them off. punish them.
But let’s be honest—does that ever work?
Think about it: If the sass is coming from your child feeling misunderstood or judged, why would adding more misunderstanding or judgement improve their behaviour?
It’s like trying to put out a fire by pouring petrol on it. Instead of calming things down, we make the situation worse.
How to deal with a 6 year old attitude. Sassy Child
Here’s where the Language of Listening® approach really makes a difference. Instead of reacting to the sass or correcting it, you use “Say What You See®” to acknowledge what’s happening underneath the attitude.
This is key.
A Super Sassy Child? Start here:It’s about stepping into their world and recognising what’s behind the sass. So instead of saying, “Don’t talk to me like that,” You might say, “Wow, you sound really frustrated.” And because you’re acknowledging her, she might respond with something like: “Ugh, I know, Mum! You’re always telling me what to do!” You: “Sounds like you’re really frustrated. You don’t like being reminded.” Child: “Yeah, it’s so annoying!” In that moment, your child feels heard. You’re not just focusing on the sass; you’re acknowledging their frustration—and what really matters to them. When your child feels understood, their emotional guard comes down, and they’re more likely to cooperate. They stop feeling the need to fight back. This shift opens the door to better communication and connection, which helps you guide their behaviour much more effectively than if you’d just told them off. |
Adding CAN DOs and STRENGTHs For a Sassy Child
(These are 2 tools from the Language of Listening framework.)
Now that your child feels seen, it’s time to move forward with CAN DOs and STRENGTHs—two key tools in helping your child find solutions and build confidence.
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Acknowledge their feeling with “Say What You See®”: “You’re frustrated because you want to make your own choices, and it’s annoying to be told what to do.”
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Add a CAN DO: “You don’t like being rushed, AND we still need to leave soon. Must be something you CAN DO to get ready on time?”
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Highlight their STRENGTHs: “Look at you! You found a way to get ready on time that shows you’re responsible.”
Notice how different this approach is from, “Stop with the attitude.” Instead of escalating the situation, you’re giving your child space to feel capable and come up with a solution.
You’re not just stopping the sass—you’re helping them learn to communicate better and make choices that work for both of you.
By stepping into your child’s world, using “Say What You See®,” adding CAN DOs, and recognising their STRENGTHs, you create connection rather than conflict. You give your child the tools to manage their feelings and communicate in a more positive way.
Dealing with a sassy child?
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