In short, it’s a losing battle when we try and change how someone else feels.
This is such a HUGE shift for so many, myself included.
You see, I used to think it was my job to make my children happy.
The truth is that the only person responsible for their emotions is themselves.
Just like you are the only one responsible for your own emotions and actions. YES! It’s you!
How utterly liberating is that?!
Liberating and quite scary at the same time.
Because if you have been trying to control other’s behaviour for you to feel happy or content or peaceful… now that the cats out of the bag, you can’t hold onto that control anymore.
It was an illusion anyway!
You’ve been waiting for someone else to change for you to feel how you want to feel… and why should you give that power to someone else?
Think about it!
You’re expecting to change how somebody else feels or change how they think. (when the only person who can do that is themselves.) in order to change how you feel or how you think?
It’s a little bit crazy and downright draining, right?!
We give away our power by trying to control other people’s behaviour and emotions.
As we try and attempt to control their thoughts, emotions and needs, the person on the receiving end has power over our behaviour and emotions. And all the while we are sending a subtle message that they can’t think for themselves.
Before I grasped this concept, I was looking in all the wrong places to be happy… I really thought that to be happy was something outside of my control, that others caused me to be happy.
That, if my kids just listened, my husband helped with the laundry more, and my daughter didn’t have daily tantrums… I would be happy.
I really thought, there was going to be this magic wand that one day would be waved the head and “ping’ I would wake up and be happy.
But the truth is that whatever others are doing or not doing, it’s not the cause of your emotions.
You can choose to be happy.
It is a choice. How freeing is that?
You get to choose.
And just like it’s your choice to choose your emotions and thoughts.
It is their choice to choose their emotions and thoughts.
Really! Don’t put your energy or time in getting others to change their mind or to change how they feel.
When you grasp this concept, you will start to see the relationship with your children and others in a new way.
We interpret life through our own lens, emotions emerge from our thoughts and perceptions.
There is no right or single way to view our world.
Each and every one of us is ‘right’ to feel what we feel, it is not up to others to decide for us.
You are the only person that can make yourself happy.
And the only person to make your child happy is themselves.
Hi! I’m Camilla, a Language of Listening® parent coach, and I support parents just like you to transform family life with the magic of Language of Listening® Download my class now, learn just three simple steps to radically change the way, you parent.