What are we telling our children? When our kids are having difficulty we need to be their coach, rooting for them, encouraging them, supporting them to do better.
We always have a role to play in any relationship, we can add to the negative cycle and get more of what we focus on. We can label, criticise, blame, nag, belittle, shame, it all leads to more negative behaviour.
Our child feels bad and then behaves bad, it’s human nature. If someone makes me feel bad I don’t want to help them or listen to them. Same for our kids and us. We reap what we sew.
Our actions speak louder than words, our children are watching us, how we handle ourselves, the words we use. How we make them feel. No use saying ‘I love you’ if we don’t show them through our actions.
Think the best of people, see things from their point of view. It is never just the behaviour, there is always a driving force behind the behaviour. An emotion, a need, a reason.
Find it. Be curious. Ask questions.
We are not here to judge. To expect our children to act or be a certain way, do things like we do. We lead by example, connect, understand and support and we will have more influence than we thought possible.
Use negativity, put downs, shame, we lose our innate human drive to connect, to belong.
No one likes being told what to do.
We can not use force to get our way. Only the power of our connection leads to influence.