We get triggered by that word NO!
“BUT! I’m asking nicely, I’m empathising, and I still get resistant. My child is still not listening to me!!!” you might say.
And here’s the thing!
DID YOU KNOW THAT A DEMAND AND A REQUEST CAN START OUT THE SAME WAY?
To tell the two apart it’s important to notice what we do AFTER our ask has not been complied with.
It becomes a demand if our child does not comply with our request and we go straight in with a punishment of some form.
“Well, if you don’t come here right now, that’s it! No play date tonight!” (threat)
“It’s just like you! You are so lazy, I just can’t count on you for anything!” (putdown, label)
“Well, I just guess I have to do everything around here, I do so much for you and this is what I get?!!” (guilt)
The more we have used threats, putdowns or laid on guilt trips when requesting our child comply to our request, the more our children hear a demand in our requests.
We just have to open our mouths and our kids are ready to dig their heals in, ready for a power struggle.
It’s a request when we pause when we hear a NO.
We then can become curious to what is going on for our child in that moment.
“No” is just the beginning of communication. Finding a way to meet our and our child’s needs.
Hi! I’m Camilla, a Language of Listening® parent coach, and I support parents just like you to transform family life with the magic of Language of Listening® Download my class now, learn just three simple steps to radically change the way, you parent.