Kids behave according to the perceptions they have of themselves. So, think about your daily communication with your child. Do they think of themselves as lazy, naughty, loud, annoying, stupid, not good enough, that they can’t make good decisions and their needs are unimportant? Or do they see themselves as capable, able, valued, understood, that their needs and wants are accepted and valid?
I get it! Parenting is hard work, sometimes it is a struggle just to make it through the day. Threats are easy, they roll off the tongue so quickly and to begin with, we might even think that they work. However, the positive results we get from threatening our children with consequences are mostly short term. If you take a deep breath and step back, you can become aware that our own behaviour and reactive tools we use actually have a negative effect in the medium to long-term and makes parenting a whole lot more stressful than it needs to be.
A few years ago, I was in daily battles with my 5-year- old daughter, I saw her acting out and defiance as something I need to punish, to teach her a lesson. I went down the road of taking toys away, cancelling play dates all in the mistaken belief that this would change her behaviour and this is what I was meant to do as her mother, that this was the way to teach her wrong from right. However, this lead to more power struggles and it might have changed her behaviour in the moment but not in the long term and it was taking its toll on our relationship. It was only when I started asking myself these 5 questions did I see a huge change in her behaviour and our relationship was stronger and more connected than ever.
I hate the word naughty! I really want us to answer the question “What is naughty?” Is it naughty or is it just a child being childish? Are they just using the best resources, skills and brain development they have at that moment? If my child could do any better at that moment, don’t you think they would?
How can we help our children to grow up with this quality? We all want our children to grow up to be successful, happy, well-adjusted adults able to cope in the world. How many of us think of kindness, compassion or empathy? Before I had children, there was a value I knew for sure I wanted my children to have. Kindness. Yes, I want my child to show empathy, compassion and bucket loads of kindness.
My son turned 10 last week, a big milestone. It got me thinking about how far we have come as a family, and how far I have come as a mother. I now have the family relationship I always dreamt of and when I look at my children I feel as if my heart will explode from love. It wasn’t always like this.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR TAKING A LIFE CHANGING ‘KEEPING YOUR COOL PARENTING’ CLASSHaving support through all the stages of your child’s development enables you to build a positive connection with your child that will last a lifetime. Taking parenting classes now can help you avoid major parenting issues in the future.
5 Things Not To Do When Your Child Is Having A Tantrum In PublicWe are well into the new school term and the days are getting colder. I went today to collect my children from school today. My daughter came out all smiling and happy to see me and proceeded to invite her friends round to the house. I told her we had a busy afternoon at home before going to see her brother's school concert and so it would not be possible to have her friends over this afternoon. She huffed and she puffed, demanded sweets in compensation, told me she hated me and stamped her feet. My daughter then refused to get into the car, nearly ran off down the road before I finally managed to get her into the car in order to go home before attending her brother's concert. During her meltdown, I took a deep breath and kept calm.
I’m going to tell you a secret! I wasn't enjoying being a mum, It was hard work, the endless power struggles, shouting and my kids not listening to me. It was exhausting. This is how my life used to be. I felt helpless and in a downward spiral. I felt like I just wanted to run away, it was like fighting a losing battle. My kids just wouldn’t listen to me. I had a daughter who would refuse to sit in her car seat. The screaming tantrums that felt never-ending, they wouldn’t go to bed on time. My relationship with my children was really suffering and this of course resulted in my entire home life becoming more stressful. There had to be another way!
“Rather than living day to day, Camilla helped me define the type of parent I wanted to be and the values I wanted my children to have. Since starting the course my children have started to listen to me more and our relationship is improving every day. It’s hard work and doesn’t happen overnight but I know it’s going to be worth it in the end!” Rachel mum of a 5 y/o and nearly 3 y/o boys. My latest testimonial.