I am going to share with you WHY typical consequences don't work and 5 ways that do work that build lasting change without power struggles and stress. Have you ever sat around with friends dreaming up consequences that fit your kid’s misbehaviour? I know I have in the past when I'd had enough of my kid's behaviour and just didn't know what else to do. We mean well as parents, we want the best for our kids and we want to stop the chaos and regain some calm...
Whether you’re dealing with full-blown disrespect, back-chat, tantrums or want to know why situations seem to escalate into a full-blown mega meltdown. Understanding our communication is a simple way to completely change the dynamics with your child. These common parenting pit falls should be avoided to bring calm to any sitaution.
Imagine having kids that WANT to listen to you and do as you ask! How much easier would our parenting journey would be?! The way we were parented is engrained into our psyche. Parenting decisions handed down from the generation before. From the way, we handle tantrums, back talk or not listening. I spent years following the advice of generations before, “Be stronger, show her who’s boss, take things away, cancel playdates....” But I had this little niggling feeling. I didn’t want this for my family. That parenting doesn’t have to be this way. It can be hard to find a new way and follow a new path.
So, What is mental health? Mental health is to do with the way we think and feel. We can think of it as our emotional wellbeing. Did you know that our mental health can change in the same way our physical health can?
My top 5 reasons why emotionally intelligent discipline is something we need to be focusing on. I was trying to cajole my daughter to leave a play date and she was having none of it! Running off, hiding with her friend, shouting that she wanted to stay longer….. My patience was waning… And you know what? A few years ago I would have reacted VERY differently to how I react now. I know first-hand, how difficult this can be. Our parenting blueprint is to focus on short-term compliance.
It's 5 minutes before we have to leave for school. The kids don’t have their shoes on, the sun-cream is not applied, and my daughter’s hair looks a mess. AGHHHHH. I give a 5-minute warning. And NO response from my daughter. At least my son is busy putting his shoes on. I find my daughter trying to watch a YouTube video, even though we have a NO-SCREEN-BEFORE-SCHOOL-RULE. “It’s just been released mummy AND I NEEEEEEEEEEED TO SEE IT NOW, I won't be long, You HAVE TO WAIT”
Ever wondered why a trip to a café or out for ice-cream can end in chaos?Mum and her 4-year-old son are out for a treat to get ice-cream. It should have been a fun time together, her son was SO excited. 15 minutes into the outing, it had all ended in tears. Want to know what went wrong?
Sometimes we talk TOO much...I was eager to collect my daughter from school. I had dropped her off at school that morning with her swimming bag packed. She was going swimming with her class for the first time. She was super excited and had prepared her swimsuit, towel and goggles days before. As I was waiting at the school gates I could see her coming towards me, she did not look as excited as I thought she would be. A bit wet and bedraggled, and NOT happy.
Bananarama may have really been onto something! “It ain’t what you do, but the way that you do it – and that’s what gets results.” I know that sometimes this wonderful journey of parenting seems to get increasingly difficult. Especially so when we just want an easy life by getting our children out of the house in the morning, for them to pick up their own toys and for them to come to dinner with washed hands and on time. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it is familiar to pretty much every family at some point. The key to changing these frustrating patterns is to take control and break the cycle.
Tempers were rising. Mum wanted all the family to go for a walk and Leon was defiant, he was not going. He sat on the floor of his room, was feeling exhausted and misunderstood. His little body tired and worn out from all the arguing. Leon just wanted to stay at home and build his Lego. But Mum had other plans and neither person was going to budge even an inch.
When I mess up, lose my cool or have a full-blown adult tantrum, I own up and apologise. I did actually lose it tonight, I ended up in a stupid power struggle with my daughter and really did have a full-blown adult tantrum. I did apologise and all is back to calm.
Kids behave according to the perceptions they have of themselves. So, think about your daily communication with your child. Do they think of themselves as lazy, naughty, loud, annoying, stupid, not good enough, that they can’t make good decisions and their needs are unimportant? Or do they see themselves as capable, able, valued, understood, that their needs and wants are accepted and valid?