You are not responsible for other people’s emotions and they are not responsible for yours. One of the greatest illusions is that you cause other people’s emotions and they cause yours. Think about it. Isn’t this what most of us have been led to believe? It’s modelled through daily interactions and how people typically relate to others. How often have you heard people say: “You’re making mummy sad?” “You’re making me really mad right now!” Because we’ve been told that others are the cause of our reactions and emotions. The craziness of this outlook is that truly we are the ONLY people responsible for our own emotions and reactions. AND we are not responsible for the emotions of others, including our children! It doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible parents, that we should make our child’s life difficult or that we don’t care for their emotional well-being. It means we are not responsible for their emotions and reactions.
“Just be good!” my husband told our 5-year-old girl as she was messing around in the bathroom, singing, jumping, being silly…. Anything to NOT get in the bath. And not an uncommon thing for a parent to say. Easily said and quickly forgotten.
What every parent needs to know when their child is acting up. Her cheeks red, kicking out at anyone who dared come close. “You can’t make me…” she howled. And she was right! This was my life and my daughter’s defiance, rudeness and disrespect were pushing my buttons. No. End.
Question: Hi Camilla, I wonder if you can advise me on how to deal with my bickering sons, aged 6 and 9. The summer holidays means that they are spending more time than ever together. Although they are often best friends, they have such different characters that clash. Their bickering makes me feel ill and I need to survive 6 more weeks with them at home without resorting to screens all the time to give me some peace. Michelle, parent of 2.
Guest blog by Michelle Mapstone from Word Academy. An epic English tutor, who really brings out the best in your child and supports them every step of the way to exam success. And she shares my passion for reading.
Question: What can I do to stop my toddler running off? It’s completely stressing me out. She’s nearly 3. I don’t mind her walking as long as she holds my hand crossing the road, but she is refusing and tries to run away. I have giving her options of sitting in the buggy or walking and I’ve told her the dangers of traffic. Leaving the house is so stressful as I don’t feel confident, she won’t run away. She’s too heavy to carry and I’m worn out. Help!
You’re about to find out how 3 simple steps will put an end to your child’s tantrums and help you to quickly regain calm. Ever feel that the tantrums and meltdowns are taking over family life? As if you’re walking on eggshells waiting for your child to kick off yet again? My daughter. She loves play dates. She loves nothing better than entertaining her friends. AND once an idea is set upon, she used to find it very hard to shift gears. Let’s just say “she knows what she wants”.
QUESTION: Recently my son has been getting really worked up and upset about going into preschool, after some inconsistent attendance due to chicken pox and holidays etc. I feel really bad making him go when he is so upset about it. I have tried to talk it through with him to see what the issues are but it just seems to be that he would rather hang out with me and his brother for the day. He calms down as soon as he can’t see me anymore and he is always very happy when I pick him up, but at drop off has to basically be pulled off me. Any advice appreciated!
Rachel was fed up. Every. Single. Day. Her 3 boys would fight over who’s turn it was, and the bickering and tantrums would completely hijack family time. One day Rachel decided enough was in fact enough! “Fight over the Xbox and no one gets to play, and you’ll go straight to your room....” And sure enough, a quick fix. A strong consequence and the fighting stopped…for a few days. When the sting of the threat subsided, the arguing started all over again.
Question: “Just wondered if anyone had any advice for me?? I have two children, the eldest is a very strong willed 4-year-old daughter. My hubby and I have just taken the children on holiday with my parents. Every day my daughter has been a drama where she has had tantrums, continuous moaning and really ungrateful behaviour...In short, her behaviour has been truly awful on holiday!!
The other day my daughter came downstairs for breakfast demanding I make her pancakes. and if we had time I might have. That morning, we were running late for school and it just wasn’t going to happen. It was a toast or cereal kind of morning. I bet you can imagine how this situation could all end in a power struggle and tears… I’m sure it happens in thousands of homes every morning. The First step to change is challenging situations with our child is focusing on what IS happening rather than what's NOT happening.