One of life’s luxuries! A trip to the supermarket kid free... I was strolling slowly down the aisle taking my time for once, without having to stop or fend off “Can I HAAAAVVEEEEE…” or wrestle down the sweet aisle.. (Know what I mean?!) A mum and her two boys were hurrying past me, probably a mad dash to the supermarket before an afterschool club, she was grabbing items off the shelves and her boys were giggling while helping put the items into the trolley.
A good few years ago now, I remember being in this constant state of parenting overwhelm, struggling to make it through the day without my daughter having a mega tantrum, losing my cool or having endless power struggles. I love my kids but I wasn’t enjoying the journey. I felt stuck. Things only began to change when I woke up off parenting autopilot and become aware of the tools in my parenting toolkit.
I am going to share with you WHY typical consequences don't work and 5 ways that do work that build lasting change without power struggles and stress. Have you ever sat around with friends dreaming up consequences that fit your kid’s misbehaviour? I know I have in the past when I'd had enough of my kid's behaviour and just didn't know what else to do. We mean well as parents, we want the best for our kids and we want to stop the chaos and regain some calm...
Ever wondered why utter chaos can unfold in the blink of an eye? Our communication has a HUGE role to play.
Imagine having kids that WANT to listen to you and do as you ask! How much easier would our parenting journey would be?! The way we were parented is engrained into our psyche. Parenting decisions handed down from the generation before. From the way, we handle tantrums, back talk or not listening. I spent years following the advice of generations before, “Be stronger, show her who’s boss, take things away, cancel playdates....” But I had this little niggling feeling. I didn’t want this for my family. That parenting doesn’t have to be this way. It can be hard to find a new way and follow a new path.
So, What is mental health? Mental health is to do with the way we think and feel. We can think of it as our emotional wellbeing. Did you know that our mental health can change in the same way our physical health can?
My top 5 reasons why emotionally intelligent discipline is something we need to be focusing on. I was trying to cajole my daughter to leave a play date and she was having none of it! Running off, hiding with her friend, shouting that she wanted to stay longer….. My patience was waining… And you know what? A few years ago I would have reacted VERY differently to how I react now. I know first-hand, how difficult this can be. Our parenting blue print is to focus on short-term compliance.
It's 5 minutes before we have to leave for school. The kids don’t have their shoes on, the sun-cream is not applied, and my daughter’s hair looks a mess. AGHHHHH. I give a 5-minute warning. And NO response from my daughter. At least my son is busy putting his shoes on. I find my daughter trying to watch a YouTube video, even though we have a NO-SCREEN-BEFORE-SCHOOL-RULE. “It’s just been released mummy AND I NEEEEEEEEEEED TO SEE IT NOW, I won't be long, You HAVE TO WAIT”
Ever wondered why a trip to a café or out for ice-cream can end in chaos?
Mum and her 4-year-old son are out for a treat to get ice-cream. It should have been a fun time together, her son was SO excited. 15 minutes into the outing, it had all ended in tears. Want to know what went wrong?
A New Spin On Teaching Our Kids
Our toddlers are learning new skills every day, everything they do is about learning new skills. Listening, short-term memory, impulse control, logic, reasoning, self-regulation.... Toddlers live in the NOW. They don't reflect on their behaviour or even understand how their behaviour affects others. It's not in their brain capacity yet. Did you know a fully functioning brain is not developed till mid-twenties? (Crazy right!)
Let's look at an example: A little boy of 2 and a girl of 4 with mum and dad were sitting having lunch in a cafe. After a short while, the little boy wanted up. He was busy walking around the empty table next to his. How do we respond?
Sometimes we talk TOO much!
I was eager to collect my daughter from school. I had dropped her off at school that morning with her swimming bag packed. She was going swimming with her class for the first time. She was super excited and had prepared her swimsuit, towel and goggles days before. As I was waiting at the school gates I could see her coming towards me, she did not look as excited as I thought she would be. A bit wet and bedraggled, and NOT happy.